Third Time Lucky
by Child of Insanity
Summary: Remus' feelings towards Sirius at Lily and James' death. SLASH S/R


~Third Time Lucky~

Nothing hurts more than betrayal. Nothing hurts more than the feeling of having your heart ripped in two. 

Remus knew, as he stared into Sirius' wide, panicked eyes, the smoking ruins of James and Lily's home as a backdrop, just how much betrayal could hurt. Knew that nothing he had ever felt before could compare to the world of hurt that he was feeling now. Not when he'd been bitten by the werewolf. Not when the constant stream of rejection letters from prospective employers had gotten almost too much to bear. Not even when Sirius had told Snape how to get past the Whomping Wiliow to Remus when he was in his transformed state.

Sirius had betrayed Lily and James to Voldemort. Had betrayed them all. And now Lily and James were dead, and baby Harry was flying across the country with Hagrid, on Sirius' bike, off to Dumbledore, where perhaps he would be safe.

Safe from his Godfather.

Remus turned his head away sharply, breaking eye contact with Sirius, his wet hair whipping painfully against his cheeks. He couldn't look into Sirius' eyes as they pleaded for him to understand. He didn't want to understand. Didn't want to know what had possessed Sirius to betray two of his best friends to Voldemort, betray the trust that they had placed in him when they had made him their Secret Keeper.

"Remus…" he felt Sirius touch his arm, hand wet and cold from the rain that was falling on them, but shrugged it off. He couldn't bear his touch, couldn't bear the thought of how many times he'd felt that same touch before, in far more intimate circumstances, and how much he had enjoyed. How much he had enjoyed the touch of a murderer.

Never again.

"Don't Sirius." He snapped, stepping back quickly. "Don't touch me." He felt a brief flare of anger. "Ever again."

Sirius looked shocked, something which Remus felt he had no right to be. He had as good as killed James and Lily, how could he expect Remus to want to be anywhere near him.

"I didn't…" Sirius stammered. "Peter…"

"Don't bring Peter into this!" Remus snapped. "You betrayed him as well."

Sirius' shoulders slumped in defeat, and he seemed to collapse in on himself, bowing his head slightly and letting the black hair that Remus had always loved to run his fingers through shadow his face. When he looked back up at Remus, his eyes were bleak, and any vestige of hope that Remus had seen in them before was completely gone. He looked almost fey, as if he was seeing his own death.

"Bind me." Sirius said, sticking his arms out to Remus. "Hand me over to the Ministry, or maybe even the Dementors."

Remus raised his wand, ready to bind Sirius, ready to send him to whatever hell the Ministry concocted for him. A hell that he surely deserved for betraying James and Lily.

Remus couldn't do it.

Sirius was watching him expectantly, and it cut Remus to the core that Sirius thought he could do it, that he could sentence his best friend and lover to a life worse than death.

__

He killed Lily and James! He deserves it! A voice inside his head whispered, reminding him vaguely of the wolf that lay waiting inside him.

"I can't." he whispered, wand dropping to his side. "I can't." he repeated hopelessly. His voice dropped even lower, so that it was barely able to be heard. "I love you," he whispered guiltily.

The relief on Sirius' face was almost pathetic to see, and Remus found himself hating that Sirius had been reduced to that, that Remus had helped to reduce him to it. 

Sirius reached out again, and Remus didn't stop him when he brushed a hand gently against his cheek, didn't stop him when he kissed him lightly on the lips, didn't stop himself kissing back, just as lightly. He did, however, stop when he felt the words 'love you' whispered against his lips.

"Go, Sirius." He said sadly, pulling away. "Get as far from here as possible. Go to Japan, China. But whatever you do, don't come back. _Never_ come back."

He hated the hurt on Sirius' face, but made himself lift his wand and point it at himself. With a blur of colours, and painful sensations, Remus was alone in his flat.

Silently he collapsed onto his couch, and let himself cry for the friends he had lost that day. James, Lily…Sirius.

Later he wold regret his decision to let Sirius go, as he would regret Peter's death, and Sirius' removal to Azkaban. But for some reason, what he would regret the most was that he had been betrayed again, and by Sirius. 

Third time lucky, some say, but when Remus would hear the news that Sirius had killed Peter, betrayed Remus for the third time, he would feel anything but lucky.

~EnD~

Disclaimer: Everybody belongs to J.K.R, although as far as I know, she hasn't yet come to realise that Sirius and Remus have been shagging behind her back.


End file.
